The post-holiday season has a tendency to bring about a bad case of the “blahs” to almost everyone, so each spring the Frederickson clan engages in a spirit raising family tradition: we gather the great grandparents, parents, children, grandchildren and maybe even a few “great-grandchildren” on loan from the local orphanage. We build a fire, cook a delicious meal of vat grown Emu, rattlesnake fritters with herbed tomato, spinach arugula salad and curried rutabaga coulis dressing, topped off with handfulls of Oreo cookies for desert. With everyone’s hunger sated we retire to the living room, turn on a movie and enjoy a traditional after dinner aperitif of mulled wine and tequila shots. This year’s movie was Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, the original 1971 version starring the delightfully eccentric Gene Wilder.
While the children gathered around the television, my brother Fred, sister Frederica and I began discussing the movie as allegory on the business world. Author Roald Dahl created the story as a morality play about the dangers of raising spoiled children and their enabling parents. The ever present adorable and intentionally disturbing Oompa Loompas serving a larger than life role as the Greek Chorus. Few people know that before Dahl was a published author he was a WWII RAF fighter pilot with numerous confirmed kills, and after the war he was a spy. Needless to say such careers require a keen eye for human behavior. As we watched the movie unfold it became obvious that Dahl had modeled each child’s timely demise on the 5 managerial archetypes.
So sit back, relax, pour yourself another glass of mulled wine, have a tequila shooter or two and learn which kind of manager you are (and be honest, because only through unwavering rigorous honesty with ourselves can we effect change).
Augustus Gloop – The Glutton
Poor Augustus was the first child to fall victim, in his case literally, to his personal failings. Faced with a veritable river of chocolate, young Gloop chose to drink deeply from the sweet sweet liquor, only to loose his balance and fall head long into the deep brown stream. Alas, as we all know, that isn’t the end of the story as he was then sucked up, and then plugged up, a feed pipe headed to the factory until sufficient suction violently wrenched him loose.
Do you raise your hand in every meeting? When an item calls for an action do you volunteer? Does your outbox contain a response to everything filling your inbox? If so, you are an Augustus Gloop. Much better to keep your head down less you get sucked up, and then plug up, the machinery to business.
Violet Beauregarde
Sweet Violet. The sweetest flower that grows. And grow she did. Violet was a girl knew exactly what she wanted, chewing gum. When the opportunity to seize her prey appeared she pounced with laser focused single mindedness. For all her effort what did she get? Tomato soup, roast beef, blueberry pie and an stunning purple complexion. What’s a girl want, what’s a girl need? In Violet’s case some gum and a good squeezing.
When faced with a difficult task do you barrel ahead blind to the consequences? Do you hand out job assignments with nary a thought to who will handle them? When an executive makes a direct request do you genuflect? (trick question, of course you do, anything else is career suicide). But for all the others, whenever you loose sight of the trees for the forest, you might be a Violet. Don’t be violet.
Veruca Salt
I want an Oompa Loompa NOW! Of course you do. Who doesn’t want an Oompa Loopma?
Veruca Salt wanted everything, and she wanted it RIGHT NOW! She wanted it so badly she turned he desires into a rousing song and dance number. But was it her desire for an Oompa Loompa her doompity doom? Nope, she didn’t truly become a bad egg until she lost focus and was distracted by a golden goose.
The path to managerial excellence is littered with shattered reamins of bad eggs that where distracted by something shiny.
Mike Teavee
With a name like Mike Teavee you had to expect big things, and you would be rewarded just like Mike. Ignoring the strong warning of Mr. Wonka, Mike placed himself directly in front of the WonkaVision camera and pressed send. Almost instantly he became nothing more than an incoherent stream of particles till he was reassembled as barely more than a fraction of his former self. While that may seem terrible, what happened next was even worse, his mother collected him like a mother cat picks up a kitten and rudely hid him in her purse.
This is a blatantly obvious metaphor for anyone that dares to call attention to themselves and then lets themselves get hurried away.
Be the bigger man and pick yourself up by the scruff of your own neck.
Charlie Bucket
Mr Willy Wonka
That’s right, the winning manager turns out to Willy all along. He announced a contest that disposed of millions of dollars of unsold inventory, selected five potential candidates seemingly “at random”, then let them cause their own failure. A brilliant strategy in itself. In the end he “selects” Charlie as the winner saying he will give him the factory. But does a contract signed? No. Does money change hands? No. Are the gates unlocked? No. Why?
Charlie is now a young indentured intern forced to learn the ropes, run the factory, feed and house untold numbers of refugee Oompa Loompas, fight the viscious Knids and generally serve as unpaid help until such time as Wonka is ready to retire, or more likely dies of diabetes related causes.
The moral of the story is be the Willy Wonka of your organization. Perhaps without all the kindermurder.