Once again holiday time is here and I have to admit that after a few gulps my glass of eggnog is now only half full. It’s also spiked with a little “holiday cheer”.

Here at ICBM, we have been expecting new accounting software which is now 3 months late to arrive. Meant to streamline our financials and user experience, expectations are high. But delivery is late. Calls to the supplier have been fruitless as the person responsible always seems to be out on vacation for the holidays. No one seems to be concerned enough to fix the problem and deliver on a promise.

Trying not to make a mountain out of a molehill, THIS is the problem with America today.

Remembering back to a time not long ago when America was the leader in global businessery, the flame beneath our collective backside has gone out.

As my mentor and muse Dickie “the baby bear” Cefalo instructed me: When the time for razzle-dazzle has passed and a stern message needs to be delivered, fallback on the old fallback. What is the old fallback we’re falling back on?

Tell them what you’re going to tell them.
Tell them.
Then tell them what you told them.

You do this because they need to hear it 3 times.

Once is not enough. Nor is twice.

I have a message for America and it isn’t a pretty one.

America you need to work harder and longer. Especially around the holidays.

In a phrase: “Work Deeper.“

Did you get that? It’s time to stop slacking just because the air is cold, the skies are dark and the break rooms are stocked with homemade cookies.

If and when Hell ever receives this handbasket, ICBM’s fingerprints will be nowhere near it.

Looks like my cup is empty, so time for a quick fill up (and top off).

Where were we? Ah yes, let me recall the experience of what America USED to be by sharing what China is now. During a recent visit I witnessed a foreman rallying staff around what appeared to be a serious problem. Defective products were being churned out from an assembly line in a factory making headlight assemblies for automobiles. The foreman delivered a five minute berating, then turned around, got the team motivated and worked into a productive frenzy. Internal, external and existential meetings were held. Lots of back-and-forth collaboration between team members. Measurements were made. Defects were addressed, machines were recalibrated, tests were run. Within 45 minutes, the problem was addressed and the factory floor was again humming with activity. My Mandarin is a little weak, but I believe it is also possible an intoxicated worker fell into the glass grinding apparatus only to be consumed forever in the melting furnace. But as the saying goes, you can’t make nog without breaking some eggs.

In today’s America, this type of failure would have taken days if not weeks to fix. We’ve entirely forgotten how to make a business omelet. The America of old would just throw the pan on the fire. Now we need to wait until Monday for Kayla, Kyle, Hannah and Zander to return from their Camino de Santiago backpacking trip through Europe.

Go ahead – put on your resting pout face – there’s still more eggnog to drain from this holiday swamp we call twenty-first century corporate America.

Lets apply some logic (and top off this cup with a little more brandy while we’re at it), mmmKay?

The America I used to know was a powerhouse. We knew how to hold a productive meeting. We were driven by industry and worked collectively around the clock to deliver products to the world. We invented the term work-ethic. All this productivity gave rise to an affluent working class with fewer limbs getting ripped off in the machinery. We even invented vacation time. Back then, America WAS beautiful.

Fast-forward to now…we demand the vacation without the productivity.

We want things given which used to be earned.

We want Oompa-Loompas without Augustus Gloop being sucked through a tube on the factory tour.

We want piñata candy without subjecting uncle Mort to another blindfold-related closed-wound head injury.

We want the participation ribbon without even showing up.

We tossed logic on its head.

Put bluntly…We want the things which we can no longer have.

Less and less productive every year we borrow tomorrow’s weakening output to bolster today’s shortfall. Well, the interest has accumulated and the bill has come due.

Remember little Cindy-Lou Who and the Grinch? The story is the same but this time, the Grinch ain’t coming back because he pawned the gifts to pay for the balloning interest payment on our under-producing.

Without further digression, I’ll offer the one and only fix. A set of rules and guidelines to steer this ship away from the rocky shores and sail to a safe harbor.

Here they are:

1) Cross train. Every job and task must have at least one, preferably two or more designated backups. This keeps productivity moving in case of absence or attrition, and the business is covered. Do your employees think it’s too lean and mean now? Remind them how mean it will get when they have to pick up the slack if someone leaves. Santa isn’t carrying a sack full of back fills down the chimney.

2) For every vacation request, at least one backup person needs to be on the job to cover the absence. Require a week of overlap for project hand off. It’s nothing personal, it’s just business. It’s not like the elves get to take time off at Christmas.

3) Managers must walk the production floor, offices, and cubes at least three times per day. Don’t forget Friday at 4, especially before holidays. Visit everybody. Stop and ask a few questions to ensure they’re actually working. Harass the slackers. Don’t be afraid to call them out in a public meeting. This year give the gift of motivation!

4) Managers must survery the break room and cafeteria, early and often. Casually break up any conversations by requesting an immediate status. They’ll be so happy you care their eyes will shine like so many twinkle lights.

5) Hide a lump of coal in someone’s stocking, only metaphorically of course, real coal is far too expensive. If you give out bonuses, be sure to give someone “the lump” and grant them only a small bonus. Give them nothing – and they’ll think you forgot. Hand-deliver to them barely a pittance and they’ll know you remembered. Your little elves will quickly spread the news that everyone is always on the bubble. Be sure to blame the CEO so everyone knows who’s the real Scrooge.

6) Every holiday must be worked. Not by all, but by many and preferably, most. Keep your favorite employees safe and snug at home tucked in their beds. Nobody else shouldn’t be so lucky. This year’s gift is a reality check of them, at work, unwrapping their own job. Like a total M. C. Escher mind f#ck poster. (Go ahead, google him if you need to, I’ll wait)

7) Invent a crisis before every holiday. You’re not just creating an opportunity for your employees to reach for the brass ring of greatness, you’re telling them they matter. They matter enough that their jobs are more important than a holiday spent with their families. It’s the gift that keeps on giving.

It is said you must be the change you want to see in the world. America was once a super power with business balls so big our pants needed a second zipper. When America visited London it was like Big Ben was chiming with every step. I want to see that again. Not the extra zipper but the America of old. That is the change I want to see in the world.

So let Santa stuff his own stocking this year. I, for one, am tired of watching able-bodied employees forgoing work just to shine up his jingle bells. All we’ve ended up with is a wrinkly silver reflection of our inferiority. Look a little closer and it has the dull glint of collective apathy. That’s not the ornament I want decorating my tree this year.

Shining on top of the world’s Christmas tree I want to see America’s star. Time to get with it America, let’s all hoist Tiny-Tim up on our shoulders and get it done.

Gulp. Gulp. Gulp.

All this pent-up anger might also just be a bad batch of eggnog.

My glass is now empty.

So Merry Freakin’ Christmas. Get back to work.