The Death of the 80/20 rule (part 2)

In case you missed it, the 80/20 rule is dead and the reasons are simple:

• Employees started gaming the 80/20 rule and helped make it obsolete.
• Like disco, it had to go.
• It failed to track employee accountability and productivity.
• A lawsuit brought on by the late “Greasy” Pete Shepanski’s estate.
  

Not far in our rear-view mirror, we are still shaking off the cold from these primitive times. Lucky for us, we have a new rule:

Get off the dance floor 80/20, it’s time to welcome The Tandem-Jump.

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What is a Tandem-Jump?

Here is some background.

When learning to skydive you are given 2 options.

Option#1 – 80 hours of classroom time and 6 static (pre-opened parachute) jumps with all the risk, fun, and real learning taken out of the equation.

Option#2 – 1 hour of classroom time followed by an immediate tethered to another person -or- “tandem jump”, where you instantly experience the thrill of free-falling and the exhilaration when the chute suddenly opens, gently and safely gliding you back to earth. If the chute doesn’t open, think of the total rush the next guy will feel when his chute whooshes open due your dirt cloud thud.

In business terms do you want assessment, productivity, and accountability right now or eventually?

Exactly. Option #1 isn’t even a real choice today. Enter the tandem-jump.

Why the Tandem-Jump?

The Tandem-Jump succeeds everywhere the 80/20 rule fails.

It measures accountability and productivity from a shared employer/employee’s point-of-view. Still not convinced? Think of conjoined twins. When one of them eats a spicy meal, the other one controlling the lower-body sprints to the commode without needing to be told. Imagine that kind of non-verbal communication efficiency across an entire department. Talk about being in-sync!

The tandem-jump also brings mentorship to the forefront of corporate businessery in a very real and tangible way. It links employee and manager together like peanut butter and jelly, ebony and ivory, Roscoe P. Coltrane and Boss Hog.

It is the 80/20 rule evolved, inverted, amplified and on steroids. Minus the 80/20 rule, of course.

It is the ultimate game-changer. And believe me, Frederick P. “Fredly” Frederickson PHD, the game has most certainly changed.

Grab your toolbox and bolt on a sidecar, the Tandem-Jump will forevermore be along for the ride.

How does it work?

Put simply, the Tandem-Jump will change how you manage every single employee. Like a traditional milking stool, the process has 3 core pillars. And just like a milking stool, a delicate and practiced balance is required for your efforts to be productive and arms laden with fruitful buckets of yummy cow under-drippings.

Here is the breakdown:

Pillar -1: Buddy-up time. For each employee, you will receive a buddy belt to be physically tethered, and quite literally forced, to shadow your employee for 2-3 weeks. You’ll learn their ins and outs and really come to understand how they work from a whole new perspective.

Pay close attention to:

• What motivates them.
• What makes them cry…and they all cry eventually.
• What struggles they have.
• Any personal problems.
• Physical ailments.
• Limps.
• Gastric challenges.
• Food allergies.
• Etc.

Pillar-2: The release. Now that you know all about them, set them free and watch them enjoy their newfound “autonomy”.

Expect a wriggle or two. Some sprint for the exit – you might need to chain those up. (see Employee Retention for some of the restrictions on actually chaining employees do their desks).

Word of warning: A recipe calling for equal parts freedom and responsibility can make a batch of unpredictable cookies. Most welcome the transfer from the oven to the counter. Some, however, will do anything to avoid assimilating, leaping from the sheet onto the red-hot oven coils in a dramatic self-incinerating Kamakzki-style sizzle-out. Others will stretch the imagination of protest collecting and coating themselves with remnant cheese cauterizations and other mysterious half-scorched toaster shakins from under the oven, eclipsing any tasty bits with an acrid lamination of discarded food scraps. Like a mother gerbil nibbling off its babies’ feet in dissent, the darkness for some can envelope and erase the light for others. Ever wonder why the top of the Empire State Building is fully enclosed with chicken-wire? Hint: it ain’t for the chickens. But, enough digression.

If only these dissatisfied employees could use that creative energy for the productive and collective good of the tandem-team. Sometimes we need to be reminded: every beautiful snowflake is unique…but also falls from the sky for the first time with a little guidance from above, ironically similar to the tandem-jump.

Pillar-3: The Rejoining. Like a military F-16 refueling in the air, periodically you’ll need to reconnect and “re-fuel” their corporate soul when you sense they really just want to come down and return to the hangar for gas.

But letting them land is wasteful. Like a fighter jet they do their best while in the air. You must charge them while they are still at their most productive. Listen carefully to your employees, when you hear a high-note of celebration ringing out, it is time to refuel.

To each his own, but a jubilant “buckle-up partner. Its ridin’ time” seems an appropriate exclamation to get a surprised employee ready to uncap the saddle-sore cream once again. If this all sounds too overwhelming, it might be. But not to worry, at the International College of Businessery and Managering we are uniquely able to guide you gently through this training.

For those willing to take it to the next-level: at the ICBM, we take our students, managers and employees up in the air and literally teach this lesson sky high.

Here is an excerpt from our training manual

(_{©2021 International College of Businessry and Managering)}

As we say from the open door of a jump plane:

“Take a moment and take in THIS moment!”

With Godspeed, that sensation, experience, and process is how we will all learn to manage employees for the next 100 years.

Obviously, you won’t be literally making tandem jumps with all of your employees. Only with a select few. The biological and soil resistant jump suits are simply too expensive.

You will, however, metaphorically strap yourself to their backside and ride them to a landing spot they previously could only dream about.

Like the 80/20 rule, the Tandem-Jump will take time to catch on. We can expect that when it does, corporate efficiency and profitability will soar.

The sky is the limit.