At the International College of Businessry and Managering we like to keep in touch with our alumni and like to share our correspondence when we feel it will be helpful, instructive or inspiring to others. Here is an example that we believe is all three.

Dear ICBM:

I recently terminated my employment by a large corporate conglomerate. In the course of 2 weeks, my TMT went from multiple hours per week, to 0. Making this transition, quitting cold turkey if you will, has been a confusing time.

Does the ICBM have any recommendations for dealing with this situation? Perhaps you are aware of something similar to an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, where someone could demand I attend, but then ignore my input or actively use it against me? Or maybe there is something like a halfway house where I could spend part of the day being given vague, unmeasureable tasks and goals, and then be chastised when I don’t meet expectations.

Rejoining the previous, or any new, corporate institution is not currently an option.

I’ve enjoyed many of your previous articles, and look forward to discussing solutions to my current issues.

Sincerely,

Lost in the wilderness

Dear Lost:

You have our condolences. The sudden drop in TMT (Total Meeting Time) can be both shocking and heartbreaking, leaving the formerly employed adrift like Nathalie Wood off the back of Robert Wagner’s yacht, aimlessly floating around Catalina Bay. At the International College of Businessry and Managering we understand that the anguish of a sudden lack of meetings is like the phantom pain of a recent quadruple amputee. The key difference is you can sew those severed meeting limbs right back on. While your suggestion of attending an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting might on the surface seem like a natural replacement, after all it contains the word meeting right in the name, it a poor substitute at best. Why? A stunning lack of ladders to climb for starters. They certainly have the agendas, steps, motivational sayings, posters, and other accoutrements of the modern business world. While you can volunteer to make coffee, set out literature, or clean up vomit at the local drunk tank, is getting first dibs on topsies when washing the homeless really the sort of promotion you had in mind? Of course not.

So what then, can you do to fill the emptiness left behind when suddenly leaving the workforce, whether planned or not? ICBM is here to help. Hopefully you kept the numbers for any conference calls. The easiest way to adjust to leaving meetings behind is to simply not leave them at all. Simply dial in, affect an amusing but forgettable accent if you are forced to introduce yourself while using a nom de plume, and enjoy. But, if like most people you don’t keep those number handy (and shame on those among you who don’t) we have many other suggestions to find meaning in your life again:

• Try outsourcing to your spouse, children, pets or houseplants. And as we all know, what’s the first step? Admitting we have a problem, specifically, no more meetings! So get one scheduled.
• Rename date night into “offsite team building exercise”.
• Do you really know your neighbors? Now is the time to “meet” them.
• Join a fraternal organization like the Lions, Masons, Rotary or Optimists and immediately attempt to make changes.
• While ICBM does not in any way endorse or approve the values, morals, ethics, racism, activities, sexism, costumes, xenophobia, history, homophobia, jingoism, or politics of the Ku Klux Klan they do have a well-documented org chart. Try to find a group with a suitable focus on hierarchy but without any lynching, and measurably less hate such as the local PTA.
• Begin a home remodeling project. You can schedule meetings with contractors, then monitor their progress while they ignore your input. Additionally scopes will creep, budgets will spiral out of control and timelines will pass with no resolution. Sounds like your old job, but with granite countertops!

While the gaping hole of unemployment and a TMT of zero can only truly be filled with full time employment, we hope that these suggestions will smooth the rough edges of that hole enough that you can once again wake in the morning knowing that today you will be contributing something to the world: a meeting.

Good luck!